Category Archives: Contemplation

My only regret

If I could go back
Do things differently,
The one thing I would have done;
Prosecute the bastard who,
Raped me.

I was naïve,
compared to most women my age.
As far as I knew.
I married a man,
For the future I thought,
We could have.

I thought he cared,
About me.
He said he did.
Just as I said I did.
I lied I didn’t know love.
He didn’t know how.

The first time he put his hands,
Around my neck I should have run.
He seemed to have a good head
On his shoulders.
But I wasn’t ever,
A priority in his plans.

When he ripped my dress off,
After arguing about sex,
And forced himself on me,
In tears crying for him,
To stop I should have run.
His story to my girls,
Their mom has twisted needs.

By that point
Cocaine was in control.
Keeping my mouth mute,
Keeping his will in charge.
I wanted children
A normal life for us.

He bought a gun from a friend
I was scared of him.
He came to my work,
With coke in hand,
To chase me around naked,
While my boss slept upstairs.
Graveyard shift at the
Emergency Seattle Veterinary hospital.

I begged him to let me be,
To let me do my work,
To allow me to enjoy life.
Instead his depravity took lead,
Fifteen hour a day for
Three plus days in a row,
Every week for almost three years.

Then we moved to start new.
It didn’t end.
I got pregnant,
Thought things would change,
They didn’t.
After giving birth it began,
Again and again.

We had to move,
Because The bills the rent,
Weren’t being paid.
My folks bailed us out,
Too many times to be proud of,
Once was a shame.

Then the next time we fell,
Our second had been born.
I began to go crazy,
Nervous breakdown,
Or conspiracy I believe.
He took my kids away,
From me and put himself on
A pedestal.
Joined AA so now he was better,
Than I since I was insane.

Don’t ever keep quiet
I did not want to cry victim.
I knew my choices were to blame,
But in the end he still,
Takes from me almost every day,
Inside my head.

The things he could be doing,
to destroy me or deprive me,
Right now I will never know.
Because I need peace.
I want out of this,
City this state.

He’s convinced the world,
That I am not worthy.
They know I deserve more,
So much more.
They won’t make it right.
Because I didn’t fight,
In time.

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They plan to accuse me of killing myself.

Ok. So besides contriving how many stories that they’ve come up with already to cause me to fear someone trying to kill me , as that hasn’t worked yet, they created backstories as to why ;and on to, how these “friends” planned to kill me or cause me to kill myself.. When those stories failed still, create someone apparently searching for another searching for a pre-murderous someone…. Not me, not the one that is capable of exposing the entire bullshit maze of this fate twisting conspiracy; by turning the masses against the victim, by turning the self denying victim into the perpetrator. Because none of the other scare tactics have succeeded. I will be cut off SSI. When it reaches that point it will be too late. No one will hire me after that point. No one has ever cared enough about me to help me understand how to succeed. My success is anti-social. So society is rejecting my existence. Just like the cast system of olden time Africa… I will be banished. Because, I am more capable of what they disbelieved. And instead of conceding on it themselves, and admitting their wrongs, its a better idea to make someone who refuses to become “proud” and or boastful, as they all are… Which is B.S. because anyone who knows me knows my thinking and self esteem is grandiose, but in no way do I presume anything . oh yes besides that , lets tell her she can get away with murder. Which is BULLSHIT from any angle you want to view it from. Just put me in prison for killing Kris through a spell. But then all of you would need to admit that i am a witch. I no longer believe that. I know what we are capable of , and religion designed limitations upon humans. Then science designed limitations on religion, then humans designed limitations on science. Its the same backwards as forwards. I prefer to step outside of those parameters and when that happens , every school of thought turns against you. So ya Lyn go ahead and kill. You’re crazy so you can get away with it… Seriously, there is no way of observing this concept and believing it as well. I , first of all don’t wish to kill anyone, why make it easier on someone else, I want to see them all live to know how very wrong they have been all along. Ok so banish me. Fine. No one will pay me for sex, or hire me, or believe that I’m crazy enough to deserve SSI. Ya. I deserve compensation and retribution for insisted upon action to mind fuck game that started around the time I was born if not even before that. Maybe back around 1913… Sounds like a lovely year. Maybe somewhere between January 9th and June 5th. 

Honestly… I guess I don’t deserve a fucking goddamn thing for having my brains scrambled , brainwashing, programming, manipulated, for the profiting of others. Or even respect enough to acknowledge what I somehow have contributed to society as a whole ,as far as mental expansion to all of the worlds population. Not wanting to brag, I let them over and over believe me to be ignorant, uneducated, unbelievable, and unworthy. Pure failure. But that’s still not good enough. I must suffer. Lol… How that makes me smile. Make me suffer motherfuckers, tell me when it begins, because I won’t know.

No regrets here

Just because the motherboard is now sending transmissions and they think the other component is dead and no one will have the balls to take credit where credit is due. They think they can take full credit from a source whome is still very much breathing and almost ready to grab hold of the reigns. They will regret their choice!

What Inspiration Gave Her

She spent so much time
Wasted on things that were never done..

A visitor came to seduce
One day.

His name was Inspiration.
He only stayed
A very short time.

The gift he brought would last
Forever.

Her belly filled
For many months.

The day finally came
Bringing tears of joy.

She named her child
Invention.

The child called her
Mother.

To the rest of the world,
Who knew her,
They called her by her name.

Necessity was the mother
Of Invention.

Fools Gold

It doesn’t exist
No matter how hard it tries.
This emotion given a pedastal
It is NOTHING but a lie.

We can care for one another
Or maybe we don’t .
As long as it serves
Our selfish desires,
We will give it this name,
Until it expires.

Hate on the other hand,
Has forged its place.
Hate is tangible.
Sometimes managable,
Has purpose defined.

Hate doesn’t exist because of love.
Love was created to
Misguide hates fate.
To distract the inevidable
Reason at the gate.

Give me proof.
Evidence denied.
Noone has an ounce
Of love to respond.

Love called admiration,
Fascination and greed,
The reason for holding on
To the person they need.

One will give up their right
To free choice and their money.
To say that they have found
Love with their “honey”.

Creating families based on A Notion .

“Love” will prevent
Drowning in an ocean.
Protect us from being lost
Loneliness and pain.
None of these lies hold
Truth in it’s reigns.

When the world turns against you
Will true love protect?
Or simply reject you
Along with the rest.
It goes where the answers,
Are clearly obscured.

Love is greed wearing
A diguise Selfish and cunning
Will drag you along for the ride
If you’re willing.
Most of us are and it’s sad
To admit that this false ideal
Turns us all into nitwits.

Won’t matter if the vows
Spilled out before friends,
Claim undying devotion,
When deception steps in.

Love never existed
The love that was seen,
Was only truth caring,
Blinded by a smokescreen.

Love takes your time,
Stealing focus in your head.
Taking every precious
Moment of your life,
Until you’re dead.
Love is the greediest lie
Ever told through songs
Read in books, seen in movies.

It’s love we seek to know.
Friends and family who claim
To have found love deny
Honestly admitting
Loneliness and pain still abound.
Love is a vice enslaving the heart
Brainwashing the masses,
Stealing serenities soul.

Love doesn’t care about
Happiness or self worth.
All important love won’t
Give in to respect,
Most often brings doubt
Guilt and suspicion to the deck.

And you may not have noticed
How that last paragraph began..
Love doesn’t care,
Doesn’t care in the end.
How much time and energy you spend
Trying to be it’s friend.

It will never end

It. blows me away how they continue to misjudge me and what I am all about. It doesn’t matter if it’s close friends, my community, my country , or even the world at large. I’ve missed updating things here in writing over this past week, and I really should discipline myself for that faux pas..
I guess I will cut to the most recent chase: I was friended on FB by Vincent Allande(?) wtf? ok, so I agree to go to the park with him and his dogs. Well Vinnie, seems to have issues with discussing sex in a way that doesn’t cause him anxiety, I guess I was supposed to get naked and help him talk about sex .. All it did was bring me back to the anxiety I felt around Brett… INTENSE P.T.S.D. was not even funny in the least. He was a friend of Diane and Kelly.. Kelly stopped in when I was talking with Vin before the negative energy came to ruin the day. Although’7/10/17
Ok here’s more….

Mark bolt(Ballard)/Greg green(p.o.f.)(H.I.V +)not telling

Kristi warned me about Greg being abusive… But she was speaking of Green, this was when i was going to see Greg Sprague…

I had been talking to Green but had decided that i didnt want to meet him( he mentioned his dad setting him up w a trailor and he was talking about wanting me to move to the Ocean with him. That triggered stories of how i was going to move to ocean with some guy and i would be dead in 4 years. End of story. When this didnt happen, so he’s friends with a woman in Tacoma who is spittin image of Dougs girlfriend in MO FEONA BENNETT( LYNANNE Rene’e Bennett) her name (Marion Reene Grim) (Verano dated Grim( burned down house,introduced me to Greg Sprague))
Grandma(feona) also pictured as Grim with new baby in Tacoma…
Girl resembling kristi harper in everett at Dianes…. Singer on smule( triggered) looking just like (Lisa Karen Walker) on Greens fb lives in Juneau AK. (Liz… Kellys pt gf)

ways ive thought of so far how they were to kill me.
1: dead girl i 5 gallon barrel capital forest
2: pitbull scalp me dougs dog Aries in MO
3: Greg green by giving me A.I.D.S.
4: THROUGH mark Bolt
5: Drunk Ted….. Pope ‘animal kingdom’ he’s been bugging me to go to EMP with
him for years… My mind, after agreeing to go ; began to put 2 and 2
together, they( the government especially Democrats would know when Ted got on
the greyhound and thus would know that i was going to EMP with him,,, a
random mass shooting was going to occur at
EMP and I would be one of the casualties… since this did not happen, I was
to be re-evaluated by Social Security, but the paper work would be lost
because of misinformation on the return envelope, as well as the fact that the
Federal government is investigating Washington states system for conspiracy
fraud and cover up in the Social Security Department and DSHS. I did not
return the vendor invoice that i intended to, for being a personal
information vendor… The voices told me that Teresa B already had done this.
the envelope was opened by me, invoice for services rendered removed, then
resealed with 6 wax seals and was sent in on 7/5/17 not surprisingly,
on 7/11/17 a form stating that the information was never received and that I
now needed to be seen by Dr Parlatore. it said i had 14 days to return and the
envelope for that correspondence was sent on 6-23-17
6: Doug A. in Lakewood with Verano and Kim, were going to leave me there with
the Mexicans.. I caught up to them in hallway as they were scurrying away.
7: Not me but Ms Feonas grandson that I was supposed to think was my father
reincarnated…. was told they would sacrifice this baby if they don’t get
paid for their character study for the t.v. series ‘Animal Kingdom..
8: ish: I was told that the house used in this series was one that I designed
when I was in grade school.