I Still don’t get why…

A voice disguised
To protect the snitch,
Much to recognizable
For my memories to ignore.

A series resembling too closely
The circle of friends
That walked me through

They were there for me,
Was it to disguise motives,,
I still don’t get why.

I guess that I’m lucky,
The places I’ve been.
The people escorting me
Through a decade long maze.

None less than shady,
Of criminal mind.
The life indangered
Thought certain to be mine.

Setting me up for crimes.
When lost and confused
Seeking answers never given.
My innocense amused.

So easily
I could have fallen prey
To the games that they play
Leading me astray.

So many years later
It’s all surfacing
Why wait until now
Who’s getting paid?

Paralyzed

Here I lie unable to move.
Barely willing to press
These buttons to communicate.

My head keeps on spinning
While my back just aches
To lay flat please don’t
try to get up.

Responsibilities few
Still they need to get done,
Even the bed holds no comfort
For my conundrum.

peace of mind

If I could have one gift
The thing that I would cherish
Above  diamonds or gold;
In weight;
Recognition and admiration
From one who has sealed my fate.

Hurt is only mine because
All my efforts have been erased.
My motives ill-defined by most
Time not wasted to clarify.

Does anyone see me
Behind this guise
What I’ve proven over time
How i gave away my world;
Unsavory as it truly was;
To try to bring it back to right
Where people wouldn’t have to fight.

To live without a daily battle
Feeling happy without a struggle.

Money can’t and never could
Bring peace of mind to the unkind.
To them it always was a crutch,
Reasons to nag and rant and cuss.

Wondering when will it be enough,
To just relax,
Feel and hear
The wind on your shoulder,
Songs of birds flying near.

Feeling content without resent,
I’ve mastered this feat I guess to share,
With not a soul.
Because I’m not the one,
For whom all of the stories are told?

Nameless

The story goes on to say
More of which I must take heed.
I’m not quite buying into it.
The circumstance of this misdeed.

I fell quite hard
dropped to my knees.
But that was yesterday,
Before those triggered
Thoughts sank in
To possess their breeding ground.

Yes I was warned
I have no need,
I have no interest
In your greed.

Restitution the only wage,
This battle to rectify my goal
Demands of those who played it through.
No name was given to the clue.

And in itself shown quite transparent,
The plans you’ve laid are clearly screwed.
Thinly veiled in time worn sheets,
Trying wont disguise What’s real and true.

A Kiss

Kisses,
Too intimate it seems.
My generation has it
Backwards.

When Did it become easier
To spread my legs,
Than placing my lips on yours
Its scary going face to face.

Maybe it’s just an aging thing
We’ve all been tarnished
Through loves little games.

Friends do for each other
The things that feel good,
But to call it love
We won’t be understood.

So we go on
Never sharing a kiss,
Making sure we won’t lose
Our friend in the midst.

Without a reflection

She can feel her heart breaking,
Again.
How many times does it have to dissolve
Before it is completely
Gone.

Wondering why She’s never
Good enough.

Trying to be the one
Able to make the world complete,
Becoming the world
In the eyes of another.

How many times
She has seen the world fulfilled.
Entranced by the men she adores.
Only to have them see
Nothing in her.

Tears fill her eyes,
Falling from her glistening cheeks,
The salt filled purity
Emotions set free.

It’s getting late now,
In her tattered life.
Too late for her to be found
understood and cherished.

the sense that in this eclipse
Her life having never been
the one protected.
Never the one made important
simply by giving a wink and a smile.

It’s always someone else.
That other girl is special
worthy and elevated
guarded and unique.

Where did she go wrong?
Was it the company she chose
Or the dimple on her nose.
She will go to the grave never knowing
How to trust.

Combination locked

Will I ever find
My place in your world.
That dark and dingy
Corner of your mind,
Where only the deepest pleasures
Reign supreme.

The place I try to find
every time I peek into your head,
Wishing I was dead.
Not able to feel

A pain too real to express,
In words placed on the printing press.

Maybe I don’t belong.
Truly explains the lock on the door.

Not given a key,
The combination turning..
I hear no click,
Only a trick for my head.
Not a treat left out in the cold.

I don’t need to be told,
More than once I’m too old.
It’s complete defeat,
Measured to the beat,
Of my heart already shattered.

Too many times to care.