Fools Gold

It doesn’t exist
No matter how hard it tries.
This emotion given a pedastal
It is NOTHING but a lie.

We can care for one another
Or maybe we don’t .
As long as it serves
Our selfish desires,
We will give it this name,
Until it expires.

Hate on the other hand,
Has forged its place.
Hate is tangible.
Sometimes managable,
Has purpose defined.

Hate doesn’t exist because of love.
Love was created to
Misguide hates fate.
To distract the inevidable
Reason at the gate.

Give me proof.
Evidence denied.
Noone has an ounce
Of love to respond.

Love called admiration,
Fascination and greed,
The reason for holding on
To the person they need.

One will give up their right
To free choice and their money.
To say that they have found
Love with their “honey”.

Creating families based on A Notion .

“Love” will prevent
Drowning in an ocean.
Protect us from being lost
Loneliness and pain.
None of these lies hold
Truth in it’s reigns.

When the world turns against you
Will true love protect?
Or simply reject you
Along with the rest.
It goes where the answers,
Are clearly obscured.

Love is greed wearing
A diguise Selfish and cunning
Will drag you along for the ride
If you’re willing.
Most of us are and it’s sad
To admit that this false ideal
Turns us all into nitwits.

Won’t matter if the vows
Spilled out before friends,
Claim undying devotion,
When deception steps in.

Love never existed
The love that was seen,
Was only truth caring,
Blinded by a smokescreen.

Love takes your time,
Stealing focus in your head.
Taking every precious
Moment of your life,
Until you’re dead.
Love is the greediest lie
Ever told through songs
Read in books, seen in movies.

It’s love we seek to know.
Friends and family who claim
To have found love deny
Honestly admitting
Loneliness and pain still abound.
Love is a vice enslaving the heart
Brainwashing the masses,
Stealing serenities soul.

Love doesn’t care about
Happiness or self worth.
All important love won’t
Give in to respect,
Most often brings doubt
Guilt and suspicion to the deck.

And you may not have noticed
How that last paragraph began..
Love doesn’t care,
Doesn’t care in the end.
How much time and energy you spend
Trying to be it’s friend.


It will never end

It. blows me away how they continue to misjudge me and what I am all about. It doesn’t matter if it’s close friends, my community, my country , or even the world at large. I’ve missed updating things here in writing over this past week, and I really should discipline myself for that faux pas..
I guess I will cut to the most recent chase: I was friended on FB by Vincent Allande(?) wtf? ok, so I agree to go to the park with him and his dogs. Well Vinnie, seems to have issues with discussing sex in a way that doesn’t cause him anxiety, I guess I was supposed to get naked and help him talk about sex .. All it did was bring me back to the anxiety I felt around Brett… INTENSE P.T.S.D. was not even funny in the least. He was a friend of Diane and Kelly.. Kelly stopped in when I was talking with Vin before the negative energy came to ruin the day. Although’7/10/17
Ok here’s more….

Mark bolt(Ballard)/Greg green(p.o.f.)(H.I.V +)not telling

Kristi warned me about Greg being abusive… But she was speaking of Green, this was when i was going to see Greg Sprague…

I had been talking to Green but had decided that i didnt want to meet him( he mentioned his dad setting him up w a trailor and he was talking about wanting me to move to the Ocean with him. That triggered stories of how i was going to move to ocean with some guy and i would be dead in 4 years. End of story. When this didnt happen, so he’s friends with a woman in Tacoma who is spittin image of Dougs girlfriend in MO FEONA BENNETT( LYNANNE Rene’e Bennett) her name (Marion Reene Grim) (Verano dated Grim( burned down house,introduced me to Greg Sprague))
Grandma(feona) also pictured as Grim with new baby in Tacoma…
Girl resembling kristi harper in everett at Dianes…. Singer on smule( triggered) looking just like (Lisa Karen Walker) on Greens fb lives in Juneau AK. (Liz… Kellys pt gf)

ways ive thought of so far how they were to kill me.
1: dead girl i 5 gallon barrel capital forest
2: pitbull scalp me dougs dog Aries in MO
3: Greg green by giving me A.I.D.S.
4: THROUGH mark Bolt
5: Drunk Ted….. Pope ‘animal kingdom’ he’s been bugging me to go to EMP with
him for years… My mind, after agreeing to go ; began to put 2 and 2
together, they( the government especially Democrats would know when Ted got on
the greyhound and thus would know that i was going to EMP with him,,, a
random mass shooting was going to occur at
EMP and I would be one of the casualties… since this did not happen, I was
to be re-evaluated by Social Security, but the paper work would be lost
because of misinformation on the return envelope, as well as the fact that the
Federal government is investigating Washington states system for conspiracy
fraud and cover up in the Social Security Department and DSHS. I did not
return the vendor invoice that i intended to, for being a personal
information vendor… The voices told me that Teresa B already had done this.
the envelope was opened by me, invoice for services rendered removed, then
resealed with 6 wax seals and was sent in on 7/5/17 not surprisingly,
on 7/11/17 a form stating that the information was never received and that I
now needed to be seen by Dr Parlatore. it said i had 14 days to return and the
envelope for that correspondence was sent on 6-23-17
6: Doug A. in Lakewood with Verano and Kim, were going to leave me there with
the Mexicans.. I caught up to them in hallway as they were scurrying away.
7: Not me but Ms Feonas grandson that I was supposed to think was my father
reincarnated…. was told they would sacrifice this baby if they don’t get
paid for their character study for the t.v. series ‘Animal Kingdom..
8: ish: I was told that the house used in this series was one that I designed
when I was in grade school.

Storm clouds with rainbow fringe

It was late that night.
The clap of thunder shook
The entire house.
Flashes of lightening made her think.
There’s a party somewhere.

Pulling herself up
Out of the bed,
Those slippers seem to travel
During the night while she sleeps.

Barefeet always stick
On hardwood floors.
She draws the curtains back,
Wrapping a blanket around her
Shoulders cold in the dark.

The black heavy clouds are split
Fingers of electricity reach
Down from the sky.
Tightening her grip
She pulls the blanket snuggly,
Curls up in an easy chair
To watch the sky ignight.
A dance to the beat,
Bass booming.

Nothing left

I’m so done
What more is there to write
What is left to try for
Who is there to give a damn.

In my life none of them cared.
None of them wanted me there.
No one had my back.
No one saw what was happening
Offered protection.

I was their joke.
The one used to step on,
For their gain not to help.
To see me lose again .
And again.

Now my last hope is dwindling
I have no ambition to succeed.,
Making it through was my goal
Now what.
Nothing left I’m lost

I don’t want to try anymore
What is left to try for
Who is left to care.
No one.

Not A Fan

Of course it broke today.
Spinning it’s blades,
The last time.
My biggest fan.

Not there to wave me on,
Cool me down,
When things are burning
From the inside.

Every year its the same thing,
spinning a wind tunnel to suck me under
A museum of music,
shredding the oxygen to toss
tiny particles fill the room.

Yes I will go,
To bring it on the only answer
Dictates to logic.
To the stupid.
Funny squeak it was moaning,
Let it twist in your head
Keep it going let the ignorant
Begin to celebrate phantom win.

They cherish
Themselves sabotage.
It’s been a lifetime career.
Really have no fear.
Just not right.
Assumptions devour what’s real.

That”s how it works on the ones
Sacrificed not me
Never chose against the mind
Actions reflect the smart
decisions confuse opposition.
Portraying not read as a portrait.
Pleasing as a fluke.

southern fried gizzards

I don’t really care who is on their side
passing imperfect product
as a farce these people have promise.
Since when do these have more than the others?
All of them that were let to slide
into the machinery ,
the grinder,
the wood chipper.
What made them less worthy of the help?

addiction counselors on vacation leave
They have not been any help
their story transparent as a raindrop.

Nothing assumed through their deliberations
Makes an ounce of sense nor will she
Comply bunk street drugs
To ease the weaning.
Back to sobriety why.
There must be some gain
Some payment agreed upon
Some vast prize for participation.
As for her just let her die.

This is why the others were denied.
They opened the entire book for her to see.
Outlined the characters.
Two and three.

It doesn’t matter.
She has no plan to give in.
She has no one to care about.
Your game will be in ruins.

As for prizes,
It’s pretty clear,
When everyone wins,
No one wins.
That’s why she’s going nowhere.


A voice disguised
To protect the snitch,
Much to recognizable
For my memories to ignore.

A series resembling too closely
The circle of friends
That walked me through

They were there for me,
Was it to disguise motives,,
I still don’t get why.

I guess that I’m lucky,
The places I’ve been.
The people escorting me
Through a decade long maze.

None less than shady,
Of criminal mind.
The life indangered
Thought certain to be mine.

Setting me up for crimes.
When lost and confused
Seeking answers never given.
My innocense amused.

So easily
I could have fallen prey
To the games that they play
Leading me astray.

So many years later
It’s all surfacing
Why wait until now
Who’s getting paid?