Asides

I Still don’t get why…

A voice disguised
To protect the snitch,
Much to recognizable
For my memories to ignore.

A series resembling too closely
The circle of friends
That walked me through

They were there for me,
Was it to disguise motives,,
I still don’t get why.

I guess that I’m lucky,
The places I’ve been.
The people escorting me
Through a decade long maze.

None less than shady,
Of criminal mind.
The life indangered
Thought certain to be mine.

Setting me up for crimes.
When lost and confused
Seeking answers never given.
My innocense amused.

So easily
I could have fallen prey
To the games that they play
Leading me astray.

So many years later
It’s all surfacing
Why wait until now
Who’s getting paid?

peace of mind

If I could have one gift
The thing that I would cherish
Above  diamonds or gold;
In weight;
Recognition and admiration
From one who has sealed my fate.

Hurt is only mine because
All my efforts have been erased.
My motives ill-defined by most
Time not wasted to clarify.

Does anyone see me
Behind this guise
What I’ve proven over time
How i gave away my world;
Unsavory as it truly was;
To try to bring it back to right
Where people wouldn’t have to fight.

To live without a daily battle
Feeling happy without a struggle.

Money can’t and never could
Bring peace of mind to the unkind.
To them it always was a crutch,
Reasons to nag and rant and cuss.

Wondering when will it be enough,
To just relax,
Feel and hear
The wind on your shoulder,
Songs of birds flying near.

Feeling content without resent,
I’ve mastered this feat I guess to share,
With not a soul.
Because I’m not the one,
For whom all of the stories are told?

Nameless

The story goes on to say
More of which I must take heed.
I’m not quite buying into it.
The circumstance of this misdeed.

I fell quite hard
dropped to my knees.
But that was yesterday,
Before those triggered
Thoughts sank in
To possess their breeding ground.

Yes I was warned
I have no need,
I have no interest
In your greed.

Restitution the only wage,
This battle to rectify my goal
Demands of those who played it through.
No name was given to the clue.

And in itself shown quite transparent,
The plans you’ve laid are clearly screwed.
Thinly veiled in time worn sheets,
Trying wont disguise What’s real and true.

Without a reflection

She can feel her heart breaking,
Again.
How many times does it have to dissolve
Before it is completely
Gone.

Wondering why She’s never
Good enough.

Trying to be the one
Able to make the world complete,
Becoming the world
In the eyes of another.

How many times
She has seen the world fulfilled.
Entranced by the men she adores.
Only to have them see
Nothing in her.

Tears fill her eyes,
Falling from her glistening cheeks,
The salt filled purity
Emotions set free.

It’s getting late now,
In her tattered life.
Too late for her to be found
understood and cherished.

the sense that in this eclipse
Her life having never been
the one protected.
Never the one made important
simply by giving a wink and a smile.

It’s always someone else.
That other girl is special
worthy and elevated
guarded and unique.

Where did she go wrong?
Was it the company she chose
Or the dimple on her nose.
She will go to the grave never knowing
How to trust.

Combination locked

Will I ever find
My place in your world.
That dark and dingy
Corner of your mind,
Where only the deepest pleasures
Reign supreme.

The place I try to find
every time I peek into your head,
Wishing I was dead.
Not able to feel

A pain too real to express,
In words placed on the printing press.

Maybe I don’t belong.
Truly explains the lock on the door.

Not given a key,
The combination turning..
I hear no click,
Only a trick for my head.
Not a treat left out in the cold.

I don’t need to be told,
More than once I’m too old.
It’s complete defeat,
Measured to the beat,
Of my heart already shattered.

Too many times to care.

Bowser

It won’t be nearly as easy
As when you thought you knew.
How to gain my losses,
So the stories grew?
You don’t have the slightest clue.
I’m not the one to tell you.
No reason you would even be
If not to serve me well.

No dreams aren’t made from this,
Only a cold machine inside,
Vintage reel to real not blind.
You never even left my mind.

Hate consumed my distraction.
Knowing no one gave a shit.
But getting here was half the fun
thinking there might be only one,
But I’m done trusting, sharing, caring.
If that’s what these weak feelings stir?
Hate for people big and small.
Hearing all the thoughts,
That rampaged,
Bouncing off the wall.

I knew they thought I couldn’t know,
The plans to use
Abuse my soul.
But deceived a game played well,
Too late when you returned,
To drain the vein or vain.
Nothing more than gruesome pain.
ENJOY.

Flop house freedom

I remember a time when I craved the freedom.
The flophouse,
The friends who worked first avenue.
That feeling I got from the runaways.
I envied them living free.
Free from the cares,
Will my mom and dad worry,
Wishing they were dead so I could be free.
I still have that yearning;
In this early rain of spring;
To escape from those who need me
To just be,
Here
For them.
Security they seek
In my firm foundation.
A fixture that they can see
When they close their eyes.
Reality proves that it’s not their eyes
That need to know where I am.
It’s their hearts that crave
My chained devotion.
Forever caged my soul cries to flee.
To find that freedom
The flophouse above ‘The Smoke Shop’.
The smokey bar with a cigarette machine
Ladies with raspy voices
Drinking whiskey at noon.